Real Estate Lament

Real Estate Lament

by Donald M. Weill,

excerpted from "The Reluctant Investor and Other Light Verse"

I hesitate to make a list
Of all the countless deals I've missed;
Bonanzas that were in my grip -
I watched them through my fingers slip;
The windfalls which I Should have bought
were lost because I over-thought;
I thought of this, I thought of that,
I could have sworn I smelled a rat,
And while I thought things over twice,
Another grabbed them at the price,
It seemed I always hesitate,
Then make my mind up much too late,
Avery cautious man am I

And that is why I never buy.
When tracts rose high on Sixth and Third,
The prices asked I felt absurd;
Whole block-fronts bleak and black with soot-
Were priced at thirty bucks a foot!
I wouldn't even make a bid,
But others did -- yes, others did!
When Tucson was cheap desert land,
I could have had a hip of sand;
When Phoenix was the place to buy,
I thought the climate much too dry!
"Invest in Dallas-That's the spot!"
My sixth sense warned me I should not,
A very prudent man am I

And that is why I never buy.
A corner here, then acres there,
Compounding values year by year,
I chose to think and as I thought,
They bought the deals I should have bought.
The Golden chances I had then
Are lost and will not come again,
Today I can not be enticed
For everything's so overpriced.
The deals of yesteryear are dead;
The market's soft -- so's my head!
Last night I had a fearful dream,
I know I wakened with a scream;
Some Indians approached my bed --
For trinkets on the barrelhead,
(In dollar bills worth twenty-four,
And nothing less and nothing more),
They'd sell Manhattan Isle to me,
The most I'd go was twenty-three.
The redman scowled: "Not on a bet!"
And sold to Peter Minuit.
At times a teardrop drowns my eye
For deals I had, but did not buy;
And now life's saddest words I pen
"If only I'd invested then!"